Every website and blog I've come across has stated the dangers of fuck buddies or friends with benefits (FWB) yet it amazes me how far people will fall for their fuck buddies. I understand the practice of sport fucking, but it was until very recently that I've muddled the boundaries between sex and relationships. In a classic role play of hot and cold, I was the chaser and my fwb played the cold and elusive damsel.
Inevitably, one side of the equation will always falter, and in a fuck buddy relationship, this can turn disasterous. Drawn from personal experience, here are some signs that shit is about to hit the fan.
1) Thinking about your fwb more than once a day.
This is the most important rule of thumb. Don't do it.
The only time you should be thinking about him/her is when you need to bury a fast one, in which case, pick up the phone, call your respective fuck buddies and get it out of your system.
This can be a double edged sword however, as seeing your fwb often WILL lead you one of you getting attached. The best advice I can give you is this: FWB is like a drug, avoid it at all cost if you have an addictive personality.
2) Being reminded of your fwb by random everyday things.
Hands up anyone who has seen a random piece of clothing or a type of notebook binder and thought "mmm, looks like the one owned by (insert name)."
You've fallen. Gone are the days when you've promised yourself your fwb relationship is just about sex. You now want more. It is best to recognise this moment in your relationship and drop everything you're doing with that person. This is perhaps the hardest thing to do however but in a mental David vs Goliath, you have to realise that this toxic feeling your getting is attachment.
3) Wanting to spend the high holidays with your fwb.
You're fucked. Your fwb will realise you guys are getting to intense but since this is the 'honey moon' period of your relationship, he/she will play along, only to satisfy their ego.
Fwb situations rarely every turn into something more, and this is the period where your partner is testing the waters to see how they themselves will handle a relationship experience, often at your expense. But sooner or later, your fwb will freak out because of the intensity of getting involved in something not originally contracted in your fwb agreement. They will place you as a non priority, try to illicit reactions to push you away by harsh comments, and more frequently deny the chance of seeing you.
Chances are, you won't speak to one another for a while, then slowly drift apart, but you're still stalking their Facebook profile, hoping to get a random txt from them or run into them at a mutual friend's event. You try to tell yourself you're over it, its been 3 weeks and you think that your fine. You're not. Because one day, you'll find out they've hooked up with someone else when they denied to see you and you will feel the pit of your stomach grow 10 inches and come out of your arse.
I can't really tell you how to deal with it when you fall for your fwb. I've been on both sides of the equation, being the chaser and the settler. I can only say, that it will take a whole lot more than 3 weeks to get over your feelings for someone, and not to see them for however long that will take. Soldier on, and keep yourself busy and know that you just haven't met the person that's suppose to fix your broken heart yet, but you will.
RightWingFashionalist out.
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